It doesn't feel like Christmas to me. It didn't feel like Thanksgiving, either. Although our Thanksgiving was totally awesome, it still didn't really feel like a holiday. We had steaks, which were amazing, and even May-May got a can of Alpo dog food. But it's hard to get into the spirit when you are miles and miles away from your family. Pictures of my friends and their families were plastered all over Facebook and that was a hard pill to swallow. Usually we go home for Christmas, so at Thanksgiving im looking forward to the trip ahead in a few weeks. But this year we aren't going home for multiple reasons, so I don't feel like I have a whole lot to look forward to.
Reason #1: We're broke
Charlotte has blessed our lives in so many different ways, except financially. We knew this was going to happen, of course. No one ever told us kids aren't expensive. No, it was my unexpected 12 week maternity leave that did us in. 12 weeks is a long time to not be making any sort of income. I start back to work this Monday and I'm crazy nervous about it, but we desperately need the income. (And I desperately need the adult interaction)
Reason #2: Charlotte
So many things about traveling with Charlotte make me nervous. This Christmas she'll only be three months old, and it's the peak of cold and flu season. I didn't want to enclose my three month old baby in a metal tube full of potentially sick people to get to Utah where it is FREEZING cold. We don't even have warm enough clothing for her to wear in a place like Utah.
Reason #3: It's our year
As sad as I am about not seeing my family in Itsh for Christmas this year, I have to be honest: It's our year. We've flown home for the past three years and it is time for us to spend Christmas with each other. It doesn't even really have to do with it being Charlotte's first Christmas, either. Let's be honest, she won't be aware of what is happening. I hardly even consider this her first Christmas. Next year, when she's one, THAT will be her "first" Christmas. Ander and I need to spend this holiday together, even if he is a little bit of an Ebeneezer Scrooge. We can barely afford to get each other gifts, (not that there is anything we really want or need) but the time together is important. Besides, we just had all of our family here for Charlotte's blessing, and that was lovely. I'm thankful I even got that opportunity with everyone.
We live in a day where the meaning of Christmas has been almost completely lost. It's different, nowadays. If Ander or I think of something we want or need, we can usually just go buy it instead of waiting until Christmas. I think most people feel that way these days. And Christmas has become even MORE excessive! So many children get so much stuff they don't need, while so many children aren't given anything at all. Not to mention you hardly hear about Christ being born at all anymore. Isn't that really the reason for the season? Maybe it's good that this year Ander and I aren't doing a whole lot. Maybe it will give us an opportunity to help others more than we have in the past, or maybe it will lend us an opportunity to think more deeply about our Savior and His humble birth into this world. What He eventually accomplished and did for each of us. Next year will be full of things for Charlotte, I'm sure,
But this year we'll be celebrating Christmas with our little nugget while she still has absolutely no clue what is going on. And thanks to modern day technology, we can video chat with all of our family. We may not be able to actually reach out and touh one another, but we can at least see each other's faces and reactions. I am truly thankful for that.
I feel like this post was slightly sad. I apologize, I didn't mean for it to be sad, only thoughtful.
I'm also terrified to go back to work. Although I know I need to work for the income and the social aspect, being gone for 12 weeks has got to have made me super rusty at applying Kaje's. Not to mention all the new services and products we have to offer since I last worked. I have a lot to catch up on!
But enough. Here are some cute pictures of Charlotte.