Have you ever had something that made you incredibly uneasy? Something that got under your skin and try as you might, you just couldn't shake it?
Welcome to Hell on Wheels.
Ander and I watched the AMC Original Series for two seasons. Seasons packed with violence and madness. We were spellbound. Sure, it made us feel slightly uneasy... "Well, that was just the time, back then. That's just how things were." I said. "Indians, sickness, mud and muck everywhere... that's what it was like to live on the plains in the 1800's."
But the anxiety this show gave me never quite left me, even after we turned the TV off. Not quite. In the back of my mind I saw the indian attacks, the heavy drinking, the deaths, the prostitute tent, the guns... but I would push it away thinking "it's only a TV show."
Hell on Wheels is the story of Cullen Bohannon, a former soldier and slaveowner, who is out to bring his wife's killers to justice. This hunt of his brings him to the middle of the building of the transcontinental railroad. He finds work there and basically all Hell breaks loose. The show borders on a TV-mature rating, and just ended it's third season.
We were so into it! We loved it! It was gritty and dark, and I was rooting for Bohannon. Rooting for the railroad. For the black men that weren't slaves anymore, but weren't free either. For the prostitutes to make better lives for themselves. For everything the be wrapped up in a neat little package.
But alas, it was not meant to be.
This is Mr. Gundersen. Also known as "The Swede".
Mr. Gundersen is evil personified.
I have read many books with nasty villains. Lord Voldemort from Harry Potter, William Hamleigh from Pillars of the Earth, Blue Duck from Lonesome Dove. I've also seen plenty of movies with nasty villains. But none of them compare to the evil of Mr. Gundersen. Not even close. And this character is the reason that Ander and I have decided to stop watching this show.
All day long I have felt a crushing anxiety in my chest. I wasn't sure why I felt it, or what it had come from, but it almost suffocated me. With it being my half day of work, I came home at three and had a list of things to get done, but I could not focus on anything. The feeling in my chest got worse and each time I asked myself what it could be one thought came to my mind:
"Hell on Wheels"
Odd. That didn't make a whole lot of sense to me. It was only a TV show! It wasn't real, it never actually happened, and it wasn't THAT bad... was it?
I couldn't focus on anything. I tried to get things done. I tried to listen to General Conference talks. I tried to clean my house. I couldn't shake the feeling I had, and I knew I only had one option.
I knelt down and prayed to my Heavenly Father.
I told Him that I felt uneasy and anxious, and that I wasn't sure why. I told Him that I didn't want to feel this way anymore and I would do whatever it took to make the feeling go away. After I prayed I didn't feel any better.
I had to go to a missionary meeting with a non-member girl in our ward, so I grabbed my stuff and left. And the meeting was great! But I still felt anxious. On the way home I started shaking uncontrollably and couldn't keep still. I couldn't believe this anxiety was getting worse! What was wrong with me!?
After Ander got home from fishing, I opened up to him and told him I thought my feelings were because of the show. And guess what? Heavenly Father answered my prayers. Ander told me he had some of the same feelings about the show, and that it made him really uneasy. It gave him a foreboding feeling that he just couldn't shake. He told me that he thought the reason we were feeling this way was because this show had shown us what a man looks like when Satan completely grabbed hold of his heart. The Swede was such an awful character, and he had done some truly awful things, and Ander and I both felt that when we watched this man (FICTIONAL man), we felt as though we were seeing a true face of evil.
"That's it." I said, "that's exactly it. I just don't think I can watch a show that borders so closely on the edge of completely R rated. It's definitely pushing it's limits." So together, we decided to stop watching Hell on Wheels.
And the anxiety is gone!!
I'm so incredibly thankful for my sweet husband and my loving Heavenly Father who answered my prayer. I feel as though a weight has been lifted off of my shoulders, and I feel like I can breathe normally again. And you know what's funny? I thought I would miss the show since we'd been watching it so regularly, but when I came home from work today and realized that we weren't going to watch an episode tonight I realized I felt relieved instead of irritated. It may sound silly, but the media we watch, read, and listen to can really have a very intense effect on us. I learned that lesson the hard way.
I decided to put all of these pictures in a separate post, because my California post was very, very long. This post will also be sort of long, but that's because we got so many cool pictures from our dolphin encounter. It was a pretty fabulous experience, I have to say.
Just a side note: Maddy the dolphin literally POPPED right out of the water in my face the moment before this picture was taken. That's why I have my hand over my heart. I never saw her coming.
I finally finished it! And I am so proud. I used the pages from one of my favorite books, Pillars of the Earth. (Don't worry, I went and found another copy so I didn't have to tear up my own!) I wanted the pages to mean something to me instead of using some weird book I found in a thrift shop. Let me know what you think!
Tuesday, July 23, 2013
I just read 1090739 words in five weeks.
That's how many words it takes to tell the story of the Boy Who Lived.
It was about time for me and the Mr. to have a vacation, and last week we did just that. We traveled to California to finally observe my older brother Joe in his natural habitat!!
I see Joe pretty often, actually, since his band A Lot Like Birds comes to San Antonio during tours. But this was a different experience completely since we got to hang with him on his own turf.
The trip was actually broken up into pieces, because we were able to spend some time with Ander's dad and family too.
But first, out exciting story of the morning of the flight to Cali:
My visiting teacher was supposed to give us a ride to the Austin airport at 6:15 AM on the morning of the 14th. I confirmed with her the day before, making sure she was still available and she said she was. But she was nowhere to be seen at 6:15 the next morning when we were packed and ready to walk out the front door. We waited 10 minutes before I called her, and when I did I heard her sleepily answer my phone call. "Hi Jennifer?" I asked. There was a short gasp and then, "Omigosh, I'll be there in a minute!" *click*
"What do we do?" I asked Ander.
"Well, if she isn't here in 10 minutes we're jumping in our car and just driving there ourselves. We can't wait any longer than that."
Sure enough, 10 minutes later I hear her running footsteps outside our door, and then a lock knock.
Our flight was scheduled to leave at 7:59 AM and when she finally got to our place it was about 6:35 AM. It took us 35 minutes to get to the airport.
"It won't be too bad," Ander said as we grabbed our bags out of Jennifer's trunk. "It's early, and usually it's not crazy busy in the mornings. We should be fine."
When we walked into the airport and turned the corner for the security line we almost dropped our bags. The line was huge.
We had 17 minutes until our flight began to board. "There's no way we're going to make it, Ander." I said as we took our place in line, panic beginning to rise in my chest.
All of a sudden Ander grabbed our boarding passes. "Hang on," he said. He left me with both bags. Slowly I shuffled forward with the rest of the early flyers, silently praying that somehow the line would move quicker... or that time would move slower.
"Susie! Over here!" Ander yells. He shows me our boarding passes with the words PREMIUM ACCESS printed at the top.
"What does that mean?" I asked pulling our bags out of the line.
"It means we have priority seating, so we get to go through the premier line!"
Amazed at our luck, we walked straight to the security officer, handed him our boarding passes, and we ushered straight to the security line. It took us five minutes to make it through security, and we made it to our gate with five minutes to spare before they called our section to board.
Honestly, I'm not really sure if we really did have Premier Access when we first got to the airport. Maybe that was Heavenly Father's way of getting us through security quicker so we didn't miss our flight. I don't really know. Either way, it was just the blessing we needed to get to California on time.
Wasn't that such an exciting story!? But now for the even better part of this freakishly long post: the pictures!
The only time I've ever seen Ander truly pull off a good smile for a picture is when he is posing with a fish for a picture on the lake. Normally in our pictures, he gives me this:
A friend of mine that also happens to be my client gave me these random giftcards to a restaurant called Maria Maria's. She said, " I bought a three pack of these $50 giftcards at Costco a very long time ago. I gave one away as a gift and forgot about the other two. When I found them one day I decided to look up their hours so we could go and use them. Turns out the location in Austin closed, and the only other location of this particular restaurant is in Walnut Creek, California. Right where you're father-in-law lives! So please take these and use them!"
And use them we did!
Ander's burrito looks like a log, and Joel looks like he'd sure like to take a bite out of it.
This was our replacement for May-May while we were at Ander's dad's house. This is Birdie. She is a sweetheart.
Birdie does something that May-May has never done before... (thank goodness). She lays her head on your lap while you eat. Heaven forbid May-May should ever learn to do this, Ander has a hard enough time saying no to her as she is.
She looks so happy...
Joel, Ander, me, little Hannah, and Pops
Finally Sacramento bound!
There were a lot of indications of fires around Cali. All of that black is charred ground where a fire had been sometime before.
And here he is: The face of Sacramento himself.
This is Joe's coworker Joe. Together they equal 2 . Joe. When only one of them is working that one is Joe . 0.
The famous Skip's music store where Joe works. This is where the magic happens (well, some of the magic anyway). While Skip himself is a scurvy cur, everyone else there was quite pleasant.
Classic.
Also classic.
Our dinner at Ma Johng's Chinese restaurant ended with a nice thought.
Welcome to Golfland! The place where your putt-putt dreams come true! I hear you can even take home your very own prince charming if you make a hole-in-one on the 18th hole!
We got to see Joe's band Zuhg perform at a block party on Saturday. It was hot, hot, HOT! But thankfully we found some shade where we could lie on the fire ant-free grass and jam to Joe's music. It was awesome.
I wouldn't have called the trip a success if we hadn't driven behind Mr. Sunny in California.
It was such wonderful Father's Day, being able to spend it with my dad and my siblings. We went out to breakfast at Cricket's County Kitchen that morning, then we went to church in Joe's home ward. After that we ALL drove to Concord and had a huge dinner with Ander's family. It was lovely!
For little Hannah's surprise birthday present, Ander, Hannah and I got to have a dolphin encounter at Six Flags Discovery Kingdom!! It was an incredibly experience, and we got tons of really awesome pictures, but I've decided that since this post is already freakishly long I have put those pictures in a separate post that will be coming soon!! But for the time being, here are just a few snapshots of the Six Flags adventure.
We're about to ride our fist ride of the day. I'm not a thrill seeker, so roller coasters are out of the question for me, but we took a spin on a pirate ship.
Ander, Hannah, and Joel went on the Boomerang, a coaster that goes forward into all sorts of loops and whatnot, then sends you through the entire thing backwards. Ander and Joel are usually pretty coaster friendly, but after this one they both decided they can't really do those types of roller coasters anymore. Getting too old, I suppose... :)
I thought this gator was fake, but sure enough, it was a little gator pond. That sucker is real.
I don't really call a day a good one until I've ridden on an elephant.
The day after Six Flags we spent a day in San Francisco!! Joe had a show there that night so we went and graced the smelly, windy city with out presence. Not to mention my dad went to acting school there when we was young so he got to show us all of his stomping grounds.
Dad's old theater.
We got to eat lunch at Boudin's Bakery on Fisherman's Wharf. The best sourdough bread in the country. And they have sourdough animals!!! Like this sourdough gator...
and crabs and koala bears!
It's always nice to enjoy some San Francisco sidewalk art.
I don't know if you have ever heard of the Bush Man, but he is freaking awesome. The Bush Man is a man that sits on Fisherman's Wharf hidden behind two tree branches with leaves on them. He holds them in his hands and when people pass by he growls at them and scares them. He is a San Francisco legend, and we finally got to see him in action!
It was hilarious. People just don't pay attention. Especially since he's sitting in front of a trash can. They just don't notice that a person is under there.
My peeps. I love these people. And what trip to San Francisco would be complete without some smelly sea lions on the docks!?!
Joe's show with his band Zuhg was at the famous Boom Boom Room in downtown San Francisco. Look! Zuhg's name in lights! Or, on a marquee, rather!!
Unfortunately Joe's band found out when we were at the venue that they didn't actually play until 11:30 p.m., and we all had a long drive ahead of us to make it to Concord and Sacramento, so Dad ended up staying to hear the show, and the rest of us took Dad's car and had to leave. I dropped Ander and Joel off at the train station and they headed back to Concord, while Katie and I drove to Sacramento. I felt awful, because I know we had all been so looking forward to this show, but it was just too late, and sure enough Dad and Joe rolled into Sacramento at three in the morning...
So needless to say, this was the first text message I received from Joe the next morning.
Wednesday was the day we had to say our goodbyes. The week went by too fast, but it was such blast to be with all of my family.
Hands down, one of the coolest places I saw while I was in Sacramento was Joe's Drum Lab. This is where he teaches private drum lessons. It was so cool to see where Joe gets to teach. He is so knowledgeable about percussion, it's no wonder people have him teach their kids! Adults too! I was thoroughly impressed with the Drum Lab.
And one of THE highlights of this trip was this little jam session that Joe and I had on drumsets at the Drum Lab. It only lasted about five minutes, but it was so precious to me. And who knew I could actually play drums!?! (a little...)
It was a great trip, and we saw a lot, did a lot, and ate a lot, and all in all this in basically how we all felt as it was coming to an end.
Zonked.
We'll be back someday! This was the first time we'd ever visited Joe in California, and I'm sure it won't be our last!
